A Personal Journey with CancerPost-Op Follow-up Part IIJanuary 31, 2008 at 1:20 PM by goddardAs I’ve been feeling better, as I have been able to walk more, drive a little further, sit a little longer, I have felt some sense of achievement that has led to a stupid act on my part several days ago, trying to lift something that I should not have. It wasn’t that much heavier than what I was supposed to be lifting but it was enough and as I was lifting it all of a sudden I had a terrible pain in my abdomen at the site of one of my incisions and it took my breath away. It worried me. I didn’t say anything to anybody about it at the time because I wanted to see how it would play out over the course of the day. The pain lessened and felt like it was not serious.
The next day the pain was less but still present, especially when I made certain movements and so on that day I made a call into the urology department at Brigham and Women’s Hospital where I’ve been going and connected with the on-call urology nurse specialist who asked me a wide variety of questions about the stupid thing that I did and the results. I answered all of the questions and she said, “it sounds like you just pulled a muscle or you just tore a little bit of the scar tissue that may have been growing between the incision and the muscle.” And it didn’t sound like a hernia, which was the main concern. There wasn’t a noticeable bulging like my guts were leaking out, there was no redness, the incision was intact etc. etc. And then she roundly chided me for not following the directive to not lift things over ten lbs.
So I shared this with Todd, my husband, and he read me the riot act out of love and concern and then, also out of love and concern, described the event to my mother and my surgeon, both of whom called and verbally beat me around the head and shoulders with appropriate and loving cautions, admonitions and, in my mother’s case, not a little bit of guilt tripping, all with love and respect. And I can tell you that with all of that I was touched by the level of concern but the one thing that, to use an old phrase form my childhood, that helps me to find Jesus on this issue, was the phrase gangrenous herniation where you have a hernia in the abdomen wall and the intestine comes out and is strangled by the opening and the blood flow is cut off and that part of the intestines begins to die and becomes gangrenous.
Well I tried really hard to find nouns and noun phrases that could go with gangrenous to lighten the emotional load that that word carried for me upon hearing it. “Gangrenous chocolate” - doesn’t work, “gangrenous Nobel prize” - doesn’t work, “gangrenous lottery winner” - still not working.
I have not been able to find a phrase where gangrenous is elevated from anything less than horrible and that phrase alone really made me pay attention to what are now new directives about not lifting anything heavier than a phone book.
Of course my first response was well there’s lots of different kinds of phone books. What about the Manhattan phone book? The response said (not without some sarcasm) well if you mean Manhattan, Kansas, that’s probably ok. Manhattan, New York, forget about it. And so my limitation now is five lbs., and in trying to run a household not a whole lot weighs less than five lbs. so I’m learning to live in a different way.
So two things: 1. when they say don’t lift more than x lbs. heed their advice. It is worth it to not have the phrase gangrenous hernia enter your life. It certainly has been the case for me and had I known what I know now having heard that phrase, I would not have approached lifting something heavier than I was supposed to in the same way. Do exercise caution from hubris that may come along with post-op achievements like “I’m walking so many minutes everyday, I’m walking so far everyday, I’m doing so well with the length of time that I’m driving” or whatever gives us a sense of achievement as we try to overcome this infirmity that’s been imposed on us.
Certainly different kinds of cancer and different illnesses bring with them different challenges. My point is that if you’re going to get over those challenges, if you’re going to face them reasonably, respectfully, and productively, then avoid the phrase gangrenous herniation. It’s a phrase I think not suited for a life well lived.
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